Trigger warning: abuse, assault, rape
For some time now, I've been having incredibly disturbing dreams, which seem to mix together the violence and abuse I suffered at home with the rape I endured at uni. They're generally about my parents abusing and raping me. In all of them I'm trying to get out of that situation, but either not being strong enough and just being laughed at or overpowered, or being unable to because doing so would put my little sisters in harm's way. Sometimes it's trying to convince one parent about what the other is doing to me, and being dismissed and not believed, or simply ignored because they don't care. These dreams are so real and vivid that they stay with me for a long time, and the feeling stays with me at least all day, often longer. The more they happen, the more real they feel, and I wake up feeling hugely traumatised and distressed. I'm finding it very hard to put these out of my mind at the moment, which often makes me feel really overwhelmed and tearful.
I'm not entirely sure how to deal with this right now. I'll bring it up next time I have my EMDR appointment and see what my psychologist says, but until then, I guess I'll just have to live with it and try to distract myself as much as possible.
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