I feel like I'm in a bit of a dip at the moment. This week I've had to take one day off work because I just couldn't cope, and had two more days where I was constantly fighting the overwhelming urge to break down and cry while at work. Then today I've had that feeling for nearly 7 hours, just there in the background, sometimes coming to the forefront so it's all I can do to try and hold things together, and other times retreating a little way to a dull ache inside me. I feel like I can't cope with work anymore, and would really like to be able to quit and get some sort of disability allowance for a while while I try to put myself back together, but then I feel like such a fraud for thinking about going on benefits when I'm physically fine, and when it isn't a constant problem. Sure, this week I've been struggling to function, but a lot of the time I don't. I really don't know what to do about this or what would be best for my mental health. I also feel pathetic because I only work for four hours a day as it is, and I'm even finding that too much.
I'm trying to remember that I'm still a lot better than when I was at my worst, and that things won't be like this forever, but it's hard. Whenever I'm in the feeling, it seems like it's permanent. Hopefully I'm at the bottom of this current dip, and there'll soon be a bit of uphill progress to get me back to being able to cope with things.
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