I was in a group counselling session for depression yesterday. One of the men there was saying that he just needed to 'man up' about all this, in order to get stuff done.
Now as some of you may know, I have big problems with the phrase 'man up', but this was a counselling session to help each other, and I didn't think was the time or place to be bringing up issues of patriarchal gender roles, so I was just sitting quietly, wishing he'd stop using that phrase.
The therapist leading the session then looked over to me and asked what I thought. I debated whether to speak up about the phrase, and as I couldn't think of anything to say about the original question the man had been answering, I decided to say how I was feeling. I said that I had big problems with the phrase 'man up', because of the patriarchal gender roles it imposed, and how it implied that being a man was better than being a woman, etc etc. I then had to take myself out of the room for a minute or two because talking about that wasn't something I could handle at the time.
When I came back in, the man in question was still saying the same things, but he started using the phrase 'being pro-active' instead. I hadn't imagined that he would change his speech because of something I said, and was quite touched by that.
The following day at lunch, he told me that he liked that I'd said that, and he saw what I meant. He also said that the phrase 'man up' was more aggressive and put a lot more pressure on himself, which 'being proactive' didn't. He's continued using 'being proactive' ever since.
I was surprised that he hadn't just changed the things he was saying because I'd said I didn't like it - it actually got through to him and changed the way he looked at things!
I think I might have to start speaking up more often!
No comments:
Post a Comment